“Tis the season to be jolly, but how can I be, when I have nobody????” What Do the Lonely Do is a song that would always make me tear up a bit every holiday season. Not necessarily because I was alone, but more so because no matter how many people I had around me or whatever relationship I was in, I still felt lonely. Maybe a little misunderstood. Perhaps a bit before my time. I have always had my share of friends that I am close with, and my family I love spending my time with, but I was never spending my holidays with the person I know I was going to spend the rest of my life with. There is a difference.
Now, I am a big holiday person. HUGE, even. Not for the commercial reasons of going bankrupt just to get something for someone that they will stop using before the year is out, but for the love, togetherness, and food that the holidays bring. You get to pour out your love on those you love during the holiday time and they get to pour out on you. It’s truly a magical time. But all that magic goes away when you examine what is really going on in your life. When the ball drops and the New Year rolls in, you want to be kissing the one who makes your heart skip and your world right, not always hanging out with your girls or in a dysfunctional relationship that deep down in your heart you KNOW is not where you are suppose to be. And although we are surrounded, we still feel a bout of loneliness. I remember that clearly. Sitting next to someone and still feeling like all I could depend on was me. Such a waste.
What Do The Lonely Do At New Years?
Lonely symbolizes all that is missing in our lives. There is something about the start of a new year that makes us very aware of all that we don’t have or have not accomplished yet. And that is okay. What being lonely does not mean is that the world is over. Not having the most ideal situation doesn’t mean that you cannot start anew. The great thing about New Year’s is there is an unwritten, yet, a globally acknowledged turn of events for every single one of us. A beginning of a new chapter, if you will.
Each day, each moment, each year brings us choices. A choice to stand up for ourselves or to continue to be overlooked. A choice to live out our purposes or to continue to live a life full of complaints and “shoulda, woulda, coulda’s.” In any book you read, every new chapter brings something new. You are not going to read chapter 3 and find the exact same words from chapter 2. Each chapter in your life is a building block to a conclusion of your story. Never should you have a repeat. Repeat stories in your life are your repeatedly failed tests. If you ever ask yourself “why does this keep happening to me?” then it’s a clear indicator that you are not learning your lessons. But in life, you don’t fail, you just get a makeup exam. Over and over until you pass.
Here’s a little homework for you!
Take some time to write down all of your accomplishments of 2013. We all need to see on paper the many great things we have accomplished. You know, to give ourselves a pat on our back. Then write down all of the things you plan to accomplish and consult people that will help you get there. Things you plan to accomplish, now. Not wish to accomplish. We are setting goals and plans of action not making resolutions (which is an act of resolving, not an action itself). Finally, write down a list of things that you struggle with and throughout the year make it a point to tackle them one by one. One of my many struggles, is following through. When something is no longer super exciting, I stop. This is not a strong suit of mine, but I am actively working on keeping the excitement in my tasks so that my desires will shift towards wanting to see things completed.
This New Year, if you find yourself with a few quiet moments of loneliness, don’t take it as a defeat, but a challenge. A challenge to live your greatest life. A challenge to learn your lessons. A challenge to grow. Each year, should be better than before if you allow the old and stagnant to stay behind in the old year. Don’t bring last year’s hurts into 2014. Take charge of your life. I’ll see you in the new year!!