There is something real and humbling about when you start to give attention to the things that you do not possess. I remember in various stages of my journey not having things that I desired and being really bummed about some of it. I don’t have the job I want. I don’t have the house I want. I don’t have the mate that I want. I don’t have the salary to support my shopping taste. I really want a BMW 6-series, but don’t have it. You get to thinking about those things so much that they become what you think about the most. The “don’t haves” syndrome is what I call it now.
That’s when the self-doubt creeps in. I will never have it. I am not good enough to acquire these things that I want. I must not deserve it. I am doing something wrong. No doubt you are doing something wrong when you begin to think thoughts like that. You will get so caught up on all you do not have that it becomes your entire day. Every bit of success you see somewhere else becomes a sore subject for you. It makes you uncomfortable.
The devil will have you focus on everything that you do not have so that you will no longer and be physically unable to focus on all the things in your life that are going really good! You cannot think negative and positive at the same time.
My family likes to get together a lot and when we do we share so many laughs. It is really great. We’d catch up, eat great food, tell some jokes, you know how that goes. I love getting together with them whether it being my immediate or extended family.
This one gathering while I was single, I was helping prepare dinner, with all my family there, having a great time. One of my relatives comes up to me and tasted some of my cooking. (Now I take great pride in my cooking, always have. It is one of those things that I know is my purpose in life.) He begins to compliment me on how great my food taste. I graciously offer a thank you and a smile. Then he hits me with the… “Girl you cook so good, I don’t understand why you aren’t married now.”
(insert emotion for the wind be sucked out of me)
I was having so much fun with everybody. I was happy in my place in the kitchen, in my place in life. I was enjoying the smiles and laughter until that statement hit me. Then I started noticing all my brothers around me with their girlfriends, my cousins with their spouses, aunts and uncles, my parents together, and then me. Solo. By myself. That immediately put me in a place to feel like I was the odd ball out.
I am here by myself. I am ALWAYS here by MYSELF. I am always here by myself and EVERYONE is ALWAYS here with their significant other. I could no longer focus on what I was doing because I was overcome with the thought of being alone. You know you get to that place and you start to think that there is something wrong with you. I thought there was something wrong with me. Obviously, because I am the only one here by myself.
You then get to that place that something is wrong with your life.
All thanks to that one relative who decided that the focus needed to shift from being happy and laughing to let’s focus on what Christy does not have. Why couldn’t we talk about what Christy did have like having completed college, receiving my degree, a great job, a healthy son, promotion on the job. Not that I needed to be praised all the time, but sometimes I didn’t want to dwell on those spots in my life that were empty. They just hadn’t been filled yet, not that they would never be and I didn’t desire for them to be filled. They just weren’t filled… yet.
The story in the bible of Adam and Eve, they eat from the tree, and in their shame they hide. God walks through the garden calling out for Adam. As Adam still hides he replies to God saying he is naked. And he had to continue hiding in his shame. Then here comes God’s beautiful reply…
“Who told you that you were naked.”
Who told you that you weren’t good enough, so that you don’t shine?
Who told you that being single was a bad thing that you had to dwell on your loneliness and not be glad that you have the gift to live life as you see fit?
Who told you that the place in life that God has you at is not good enough?
Who told you these things???
The serpent. In Adam and Eve’s case.
God had Adam and Eve happily in the garden, laughing, and naked. It took the serpent coming along saying that there was a problem with nakedness when God had already intended their nakedness to be good.
“Who told you that you were naked.”
Now you are justifying, feeling ashamed, and explaining away your current state when the current state God has you in wasn’t intended to be a shameful one.
Others cannot depict your life and how it should be, or what it should look like, or what accomplishments you should have had at any particular time. Trust that God has you in the moment that you are meant to be in, to bring you to where he intends for you to be.
The world deserves for you to shine… Don’t hide your light because you’re dwelling on the darkness!